Morning comes. My dad's yelling at me, calling me a Land Ho. Er, maybe it was just “LAND HO!” I flew out of bed as soon as I saw the island of Barbados outside the balcony. Finally, we get to swim in the Caribbean.
We make it to the gangway, we find our tour bus that was headed to Malibu beach. This was a three and a half hour excursion at the Malibu Rum beach resort where we were able to use the beach chairs, umbrellas, have a complementary cocktail and an optional guided tour of the rum distillery. We arrived to the beach at 9am. The next tour for the rum distillery was at 9:45am. We found our beach chairs. A friendly local hammered in our umbrella and we decided we would just lounge in the shade until the tour. Everyone else on the excursion was in the water. Everyone. I looked over at dad. "You wanna blow off the tour?" "Yes."
I changed into my swimwear. Dad went and put on his thirty year old swimming trunks. As I was waiting for him, the locals began to ask me all kinds of questions.
“Do you want to rent a wave runner?”
“Do you want to take a snorkeling tour to see the turtles?”
“Are you my girl? My girl has tattoos just like that.”
“Do you want to try some aloe?”
“Do you want to buy some palm weaved baskets?”
“Do you want to buy my birds made out of coconut shells?”
“Why aren't you wearing a two piece?”
The Sea Turtle Hosts.
When dad returned, he disclosed that he also was asked a question. “Is that your daughter? You did a fine job raising her.” To my dad.
Dad and I left our beach chairs and swam. I think we were in the water for two and a half hours straight. I was salty, pruney and elated. This is what I had come for. It was nearing the time for our bus to return so I laid back on my beach chair to air dry. As I was getting ready to sit down, I grabbed my phone. One of the locals called out, “He hasn't called you yet!” I didn't flinch. I pretended I didn't hear him and sat down. “Hey you! Girl With the Tattoos!” ...Christ. I continued to shoot of my text message. Finally, he resorted to coming over to my chair to ask more intrusive questions. “Where are you from?” “Do you have a boyfriend?” “Is he your color or my color?” “What month are you?” “Really! I've never had a November Girl before.”
“And you're not going to today.”
“Oh, don't say that.”
“I am saying that. I'm also saying that this window is closed. I don't appreciate you knocking when there is clearly no vacancy.”
“Ahhh, GIRL. You smoka da greenie?”
“Bye.”
“Okay, then. You let me know if you're interested in a local.”
“Right.”
Superbly happy to return to port, dad and I shopped around the kiosks that were run by less “interested” locals.
Just before All Aboard time, I was already on Deck 11 on a lounge chair, basking in the sun without being harassed. Sorry, Barbados. You can't take back your first impression. Lucky for you, I'm into giving second chances.
Dinner tonight was lovely, once again. We sat with Mike and Ann again. Also, a couple from California that we met the first night and I failed to mention because they are uninteresting. Funny thing...Californians being uninteresting. But it's true. Sean and Jody are an attractive, young couple, but not very conversational or relatable. This cruise was also a graduation gift for Jody. Curious how she graduated with her BA in Marriage and Family Counseling when all she could say on the first day was how she was “so confused by all of this.” "This" being the layout of the ship.
I digress.
Tonight was lovely, just as I said. The six of us had a great conversation and were highly entertained by the wait staff. They all gathered up the dining room stairs and sang for us, a lovely Italian song. 'Sol Amio.' They sang it in Italian. In forty different accents. And to make it more interesting, only one of them was Italian. I have pictures and a video.
The only other thing I had planned for this evening was to go see “Pets on Deck!” on Deck 5. I'm all excited. I'm really wanting some fur affection. I didn't know what to expect since there can't be any animals on the ship. Dad and I walk over there and it's like a Build-A-Bear workshop. Pick your animal. Pick your outfit. Stuff the hell out of it. It's yours.
Bummed, I was. Really bummed.
Dad and I left our beach chairs and swam. I think we were in the water for two and a half hours straight. I was salty, pruney and elated. This is what I had come for. It was nearing the time for our bus to return so I laid back on my beach chair to air dry. As I was getting ready to sit down, I grabbed my phone. One of the locals called out, “He hasn't called you yet!” I didn't flinch. I pretended I didn't hear him and sat down. “Hey you! Girl With the Tattoos!” ...Christ. I continued to shoot of my text message. Finally, he resorted to coming over to my chair to ask more intrusive questions. “Where are you from?” “Do you have a boyfriend?” “Is he your color or my color?” “What month are you?” “Really! I've never had a November Girl before.”
“And you're not going to today.”
“Oh, don't say that.”
“I am saying that. I'm also saying that this window is closed. I don't appreciate you knocking when there is clearly no vacancy.”
“Ahhh, GIRL. You smoka da greenie?”
“Bye.”
“Okay, then. You let me know if you're interested in a local.”
“Right.”
Superbly happy to return to port, dad and I shopped around the kiosks that were run by less “interested” locals.
Just before All Aboard time, I was already on Deck 11 on a lounge chair, basking in the sun without being harassed. Sorry, Barbados. You can't take back your first impression. Lucky for you, I'm into giving second chances.
Dinner tonight was lovely, once again. We sat with Mike and Ann again. Also, a couple from California that we met the first night and I failed to mention because they are uninteresting. Funny thing...Californians being uninteresting. But it's true. Sean and Jody are an attractive, young couple, but not very conversational or relatable. This cruise was also a graduation gift for Jody. Curious how she graduated with her BA in Marriage and Family Counseling when all she could say on the first day was how she was “so confused by all of this.” "This" being the layout of the ship.
I digress.
Tonight was lovely, just as I said. The six of us had a great conversation and were highly entertained by the wait staff. They all gathered up the dining room stairs and sang for us, a lovely Italian song. 'Sol Amio.' They sang it in Italian. In forty different accents. And to make it more interesting, only one of them was Italian. I have pictures and a video.
The only other thing I had planned for this evening was to go see “Pets on Deck!” on Deck 5. I'm all excited. I'm really wanting some fur affection. I didn't know what to expect since there can't be any animals on the ship. Dad and I walk over there and it's like a Build-A-Bear workshop. Pick your animal. Pick your outfit. Stuff the hell out of it. It's yours.
Bummed, I was. Really bummed.
*Bonus photo: I found this $4 brownie when we returned to port. It lived only another 3.2 seconds after this photo was taken.
1 comment:
ha ha, i am enjoying this past-cruise of yers! particularly the question-answers of the natives! hilarious...i think i am going to start using that one "are you my girl? my girl has tattoes..."
also laughed silly at that "30 year old swimming" cloth-bit, reminds me of my own wear, and i am "only" 38! ha ha
byers
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